I am not a fan of resolutions. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen me post that I believe change happens in our own time frame, not on the calendar year. I believe resolutions are predominately used as a tool of capitalist society to promote unnecessary spending and hustle culture. Furthermore, setting resolutions and not keeping them can cause us to question our own determination and willpower. For example, many people vow to lose weight or spend less every January. By March they have made no change. They now are in the same situation but with extra guilt or shame, something not helpful in making changes.
Theme Words
I do enjoy other intention setting practices, however. One way I do this is by choosing a theme word for the year. I know the practice is rather trendy, but it is a fad that I have personally found to be very useful.
Have you ever chosen a theme word? If not, just head over to your favorite search engine and you can find plenty of explanations, ideas, and suggestions. Or check out this resource for choosing a word by Susannah Conway. This workbook was recommended to me by feminist coach, Brooke Hofsess and I have not yet had a chance to walk through it yet myself, though I hope to do so because it looks like just the kind of activity I enjoy.
To date I have chosen my word through a fairly simple route. Towards year end I start thinking about what I need in my life and what my intentions are for the year ahead. I just sit with it, over a period of time, until word or words start popping into my head. I begin to mentally audition each word to see you it feels in my body and how it resonates. After a few days I check in on the sticking power. Does it still feel right? Have I forgotten what it is? (a major red flag that it isn’t the word for me).
I chose my first word of the year in April 2019 and have had one ever since. This doesn’t need to be an exact science or a consuming commitment. If you don’t operate on the calendar year (like me in 2019), that doesn’t matter. If you make it to June and your word no longer resonates then fine, change it up. For me, this practice is only helpful if I remain fluid and don’t get bogged down in the shoulds. So, if you are reading this at a time other than January, there is no need to wait for next year.
Selecting a word helps me to feel like I am setting a tone for the year ahead. I am stating an intention. Throughout the year I check in and see if I am moving forward in the way that I had planned and if the direction still feels good and appropriate.
My Personal Theme Words
My word for 2021 was authentic. At the end of 2020 I was feeling a lot of inauthenticity in my life and I wanted that to change. During 2019 I had gained a deeper understanding of who I am, who I want to be, and how I want to live in the world. Both 2019 and 2020 were years of great personal exploration. Yet, I exited 2020 feeling that there were many ways that my life was not consistent with this new awareness.
I entered 2021 with the goal of living more authentically. And I made huge progress in these past 12 months. I left a job that felt more like a safety net than a calling. I became more vocal in expressing my political and societal views. (Check out my About Me page. I would have been uncomfortable sharing so much a few years ago). I surrounded myself with people who helped me to grow in ways that felt right and genuine. My family made changes in our home-life that allowed us all to live more explicitly as our true selves.
I have chosen boundaries as my word for 2022. I want to create new boundaries, and reinforce the existing boundaries in my life. 2021 was a year of great change. I find that when I am starting something new it is an ideal time to establish patterns that will serve me over time. Therefore, in 2022, I want to focus on identifying and establishing boundaries in both my personal life and my professional life. This includes boundaries between my personal and professional lives, between myself and others, and within myself. It is a tall order and I am sure that, come 2023, I will still have plenty more work to do. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is not a one and done task. But, I hope to be more clear on my needs in drawing boundaries and more comfortable in enforcing those boundaries.
Boundaries in the Workplace
Within my business, I wish to establish boundaries that support both myself and my client. I have no desire to work under tight deadlines or extreme pressures. I did that for years and it always made me angry. At the time I never really stopped to consider why. In retrospect, my anger stemmed from a feeling of being taken for granted or invisible. I felt that my humanity was not being honored. The pressures often resulted from working for companies that were understaffed or otherwise under-resourced. Tight deadlines happened when others delayed their tasks and then expected me to make up for the lost time.
At the time I felt anger at both clients and co-workers responsible for the delays. In retrospect, the issue was bigger than the individuals. In both our personal and professional lives so many people are stretched too thin. We are constantly playing catch-up. This results in a domino effect in which everyone feels rushed and we all suffer.
I also felt anger at companies who were under-staffed and had priorities that I consider skewed. I still believe much of this anger was valid. Many companies are set up to maximize profitability at the expense of the workers. The problem is systemic. Yet we take this anger and frustration out on our co-workers and direct bosses, who are generally victims of the same system.
Boundaries in my Business
Now that I am my own boss and can dictate the values of my business, respecting others is one of primary values of my firm. This means respecting their views, time, emotions, strengths, and limitations. Rather than saying “this is a six week process and it must be completed on schedule,” I check in with my clients to see what time frame works for them. I want them to work at a pace that is comfortable.
At the same time, I also have to maintain my own boundaries (remember that theme word?). If a plan can be completed in three months, I cannot allow it to drag out for twelve. That creates too much extra logistical and mental work on my end. And if a project requires eight weeks to complete, I am not going to rush to get it done in six at the expense of my health, my personal life, or my other clients.
Similarly I hope to be sharing my service offering on my website in early 2022. These offerings include assisting with smaller financial projects/topics and competing comprehensive financial plans. This is because I wish to be sensitive to clients needs and I respect that not everyone needs all of the services. Furthermore, not everyone can afford all of the services. Many firms have an all or nothing approach but I believe this leaves out a large swathes of people who need smaller amounts of assistance.
In order to provide appropriate individualized financial and investment advice, however, a certain degree of commitment is required by the client. Financial planners must have necessary background information to make informed recommendations. If we do not have access to the full picture, we may provide advice that is harmful rather than helpful. For example, we cannot provide investment advice without knowing someones complete risk profile (their comfort level with risk, how much they can afford to lose, their time horizon, etc.).
I encourage clients to vocalize their own boundaries including their priorities, their planning budget, and their time constraints. Similarly, I will make known my own boundaries such as capacity, cost, client engagement requirements, and expectations for response times.
Boundaries at Home
Like many people worldwide I have been working from home since March 2020. I recognize and appreciate the extreme privilege in that statement. Being able to work from home provides many advantages, and that is true even when we are not worrying about contracting COVID or exposing our loved ones.
Working at home, however, also requires clearly established boundaries between work life and home life. Without establishing specific times and spaces for work it is easy to find yourself working nonstop. Or, it is easy to find your work waylaid by domestic distractions. This is particularly true if you have children or other dependents to care for.
In addition to work/life boundaries, there are boundaries to establish in my personal relationships. Yesterday, a woman I know mentioned that she is trying to be less accommodating with her time. She has a tendency to adapt her schedule to meet the needs of others, to her own detriment. This is something I have been working on for the past several years and I think it is a good example of setting and holding boundaries. That is not to say I cannot be flexible. It just means I need to be careful about accommodating others to my own detriment.
Expectations
As I review what I have written so far, it occurs to me that a word that goes hand-in-hand with boundaries is expectations. In nearly every example above, in order to maintain boundaries, I must first set clear expectations. If clients know what to expect, they will be better able to hold of their end of the arrangement. A carefully constructed calendar will tell me if I am blurring my work/home boundaries. A predetermined dinner prep rotation will keep my spouse from asking me “do you have any ideas for dinner?” every night. (Yes, that is high on my list of personal boundaries to establish this year).
To be honest, the word boundaries makes me uncomfortable. In current culture, I see too many situations with people using “boundaries” as an excuse for being inflexible or selfish. There is this popular idea that we should set boundaries and then cut off anyone who does not comply.
There are certainly situations in which such strict boundaries are necessary. For example, if you physically harm my child, you will no longer be allowed near my child. There are other boundaries, however, that can be more flexible. I may meet a client outside of typical work hours if it is the only time they are available.
I just purchased the book Better Boundaries by Kari Kwinn to help me live my theme word in 2022. I spoke with her once on the topic and she had some awesome insights, so I want to learn more. I believe that intentional boundaries will allow me to be happier, healthier, and more productive in all areas of my life. This year my goal is to test that theory.