I find that many smart, motivated women exhibit perfectionist tendencies. This is certainly true for me. I spent much of my life as a perfectionist. As a child, I was that kid who received a 98% on a test and was angry at myself for missing a question. I grew into that adult who felt like I needed to do best in everything I tried or else I was a failure. Because nobody is good at everything, I spent a lot of time feeling like I was failing.
My Journey Away from Perfectionism
It was in 2018, while working with coach Sara Dean of the Shameless Mom Academy, that I was first introduced to the phrase “Do B+ work.” Sara, a recovering perfectionist herself, speaks to the idea that we cannot do everything perfectly all of the time. If we allow ourselves to do B+ work, we remove a lot of pressure and stress and are freed up for greater accomplishments in the areas that are most important to us.
Obviously, it is not as simple as a single phrase. Over the past several years I have explored why I feel the I need to do things perfectly. I have experimented with ways to break free of that mindset. I am not going to pretend that I am completely cured of perfectionism. I still have a tendency to “compare my insides to others’ outsides.” (Another phrase I have encountered in the personal development space.) But, since expecting instant change is another form of perfectionism, I am giving myself the space for gradual growth.
I am also involved in a number of communities that specifically call out the insidiousness of perfectionism. In these spaces I am learning that authenticity and vulnerability are much more beneficial to my well-being.
A Harmful Societal Notion
Perfectionism is not just harmful to those who practice it, the notion is harmful for society as a whole. The word “perfect” implies that there is one correct way to do things. It does not allow room for freedom, creativity, and interpretation. Instead, perfectionism focuses upon a binary in which things either are or are not done correctly. There is no room for nuance.
Racial Justice teacher, organizer, and author, Dr. Tema Okun, identifies Perfectionism as one of the characteristics of White Supremacy Culture. It is so helpful to understand the role of perfectionism in reinforcing oppressive power structures. If we believe there is such a thing as perfect, then those who do not conform to Audra Lourde’s “mythical norm” will always be judged as less than because they will never be able to achieve perfection as defined by those in power.
Perfectionism in the Workplace
Recently I have engaged in a number of conversations about female bosses and co-workers. The number of women who say that they would prefer to work for a male is dismaying. I hypothesize that the conflicts many women encounter with their female supervisors are frequently an outgrowth of perfectionism.
Those in non-dominant identities, such as women and people of color, are frequently judged more harshly in the workplace. I know that I personally have plenty of experience seeing males being favored and promoted for reasons that appear gender related. This hits black women particularly hard. As Genelle Levy discusses in this Bustle article, Black women in particular are often told they must “work twice as hard to get half as far.”
It is no wonder, then, that women feel the pressure to be perfect in the workplace. And when a woman’s own performance is judged upon the accomplishments of co-workers or subordinates, it is not surprising that women may be tougher bosses.
To be clear, I do not believe men are better supervisors. Rather, I think that there is huge element of sexism – yes women can be sexist too – in the belief that men make better bosses. But that is a different topic for a different day.
An Alternative to Perfection
Rather than seeking perfection, I have recently been focusing on accomplishing what needs to be done to a standard that feels satisfactory, meaningful, and appropriate. This may mean that I miss some typos (likely even in this blog.) My spreadsheets may not be color coded or formatted as attractively as possible.
I would rather post multiple imperfect but impactful blogs than a single, annual, perfectly worded missive. My clients pay me on an hourly basis and I want to be sure they get the most for their money, rather than spending time on extraneous showy items. In short, I am trying to adopt the phrase “done is better than perfect” (I have seen this attributed to Sherryl Sandburg but am unsure if this is the correct attribution.)
My Imperfect Website
In the spirit of imperfection, I pulled the lever and published the Work With Me page even though some enhancements are needed. As a new business, I am still formalizing and revising my offers and processes. The pages are not entirely done and are entirely composed of text. These pages are far from perfect. But, the purpose of my website is to let people know who I am and what services I provide. This is necessary information for anyone seeking a financial planner.
Additionally, the website will always be a work in progress. My business will always be a work in progress. I am always someone who seeks to grow and improve. But that should not stop me from publicizing my services. I am ready and able to serve clients and my website should reflect that.
For readers desiring personalized help with their finances, I encourage you to check out my service offerings. I believe that much of the financial planning and advisory industry is oriented towards serving wealthy individuals. Often individuals are required to commit substantial time and money in order to work with a financial profession. A goal of my firm to provide help to those who have less money available or have single questions or topics they are seeking assistance with. For this reason, I have structured my work with me page to describe four different ways that my services may be engaged. If you have considered working with a Financial Planner, I would love to hear from you.
No Such Thing as Perfect Finances
Like websites, our finances are never done or perfect. There is a common perception of money as a very serious, precise, and technical field. When we think of any area involving numbers, I suspect many of us are transported back to the high school math class with elaborate equations in which one misplaced number renders the entire problem wrong. It is no wonder that talk of money can produce anxiety.
Accuracy is certainly necessary when working with money. Money is important to all of us and should be taken seriously. At the same time, there is rarely such a thing as “perfect” when it comes to financial planning. When advisors (or private individuals) select investments, it is done based upon specific characteristics, known factors, and assumptions. There is not one perfect investment or investment allocation.
Similarly, when we are managing our own money, there are principles we should be aware of. It is important to be attentive and intentional. But, none of us can predict our every expense. There is not a single universal spending plan since we all have different income, needs, and goals.
It is easy to shy away from dealing with your finances because you don’t know exactly what you want, what you expect for the future, or what you need to do. But, ignoring the situation is not a helpful response. Rather, try leaning into what you do know. Recognize that you will never know everything about money and finance, that is not possible. But you likely know enough to make a little bit of progress.
And, if you get stuck, that is what I am here for! When I go to the doctors or the mechanics, I realize that I don’t have the knowledge or skills to go it alone. Myself or another professional can help you to get on track.
Breaking Free of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is so strongly entrenched in our culture that it can be hard to break free from its grasp. Recognizing how harmful it is to ourselves and our society can be a great motivation to strive for change. I know that I am a much happier, more relaxed person when I feel like I can just be myself without the pressure of trying to be or appear perfect.