Everyone has some irrational spending behaviors. We all spend money repeatedly in ways for which we later chastise ourselves. This happens when we make purchases that are not essential to either our well being or our happiness. Is it the afternoon latte? The extra lipstick? The “maybe someday” craft project supplies? The unused phone Apps?
These purchases have a predictable cycle of spend, regret, vow to change behavior, repeat.
It’s Hard to Break the Cycle
So why don’t we stop? We frequently hear the phrase that the first step to correcting an unwanted behavior is to identify/acknowledging the problem. But what is the second step? Clearly simply resolving to stop does not work or this dilemma would not be so relatable.
The answer is not willpower. You are plenty strong, you have plenty of willpower and motivation. This is not something you can white knuckle your way through. So what options do you have?
The next step is to consider why you are continuing with a harmful spending pattern. What do you get out of the purchase that keeps bringing you back against your will? It is likely something deeper than just a desire for an item.
Satisfying Our Underlying Needs
Let’s take the example of people who spend a lot of money eating lunch out at work. I don’t think many would disagree that it is cheaper to brown bag it. Knowing this, why do people continue to eat out? When asked I tend to get responses like “I always forget my lunch”, “I don’t know what to pack”, “I don’t have anything in my fridge.” These answers may be true for a specific day, but cannot be an excuse for a recurring behavior as there are fairly simple solutions to each objection.
Instead, we must dig a bit further. If someone regularly eats out, it is clear that ultimately they either (1) want to eat out (2) do not want to pack a lunch, or possibly both. What is the deeper reason for this? What personal need, beyond sustenance, is being met by eating out? Do they have an image that successful people don’t pack their lunch? Does eating out feel indulgent and luxurious? Does packing a lunch interfere with a need for spontaneity? Are they really just seeking an excuse to get away from the office?
Whatever that underlying need is, how can it be met in a different (less expensive) way? If someone’s need is to avoid cooking or repetitious meals, can they bring in a bunch of frozen meals at the beginning of the week to provide easy eat-in options? If they need to get out of the office, is there an area away from the office to which they can bring a bagged lunch?
I can come up with suggestions for overcoming the stated issues. But, the individual who buys their lunch will likely find an objection to any of my alternatives. This just means that they need to keep digging to find the true root of the spending concern. Once you identify your motivation you will be able to find a solution that works for you to meet your needs. No one else will be able to give you the exact answer, because our needs are so personal. Nevertheless, discussing the situation with others may help to surface the true impetus of the undesirable spending.
Basing Changes Upon Specific Motivations
I am a brown bagger because my frugality outweighs my desire to eat out. But occasionally I will find myself in phases when I purchase my lunch more frequently than I want. As I delve further into anti-diet culture, one thing I discovered is my irrational belief that packed lunches must be “healthy”, while eating out is an allowable “cheat”. If I pack only foods that fit certain nutritional guidelines, but I eat whatever I want in a restaurant, then it is not hard to see why eating out is appealing. What if I give myself permission to pack foods I enjoy and crave for my lunch? When I examine my motivations carefully I can see how the harmful influences of diet culture are affecting not just my emotional state and body, but also my finances.
How about someone who enjoys the luxury of eating out? If you are intentionally spending the money on a luxury because you enjoy it and can afford it, then there is no problem. But this ultimately comes down to budgeting. If you eat out frequently, you may be doing so at the expense of other luxuries. Let’s imagine someone who eats out daily but can never afford the vacation they want to take. This person may decide to take the savings from not eating out and physically move the money into a vacation fund. Then, they can see that they are not depriving themselves. Instead they are making an intentional decision on what luxury is more valuable to them.
I have used eating out as an example, but this type of unintentional/undesirable spend can manifest itself in many ways. I know many mother’s of young children who confess to a Target addiction. They go to Target (or substitute your favorite big box store) and just wander around, picking up items they don’t really need. This may be filling the need of getting out of the house, away from their children, or being around other people. What if, instead of spending that two hours at target, they spent 30 minutes buying any items from their shopping list and then used the remaining time to sit in a coffee shop and read their book? They would likely save money, avoid buying stuff they don’t need, and still have a much needed break.
Societal Messages
This topic goes much deeper than budgeting. We live in a capitalist society which promotes spending money as our duty to keep the economy afloat. We live in a patriarchal society in which we receive messages daily as to how we should behave, how we should look, how we should interact with others, and what we should do with our time.
In the above Target example, I predict that a common objection is that shopping is a productive activity. These mothers can justify shopping to themselves and their partners as a necessity. Coffee breaks, however, are generally viewed as a luxury. How can they rationalize being away from the family to sit and read, journal, meditate, or people watch? That is viewed as lazy, while shopping is viewed as a chore.
But, this is way of thinking is a product of productivity culture rather than logic. Who does it benefit if you purchase unnecessary crap at Target? Not you or your family. Not the environment. Not your local community. Excessive consumption is a way of upholding the patriarchal, corporate culture we live in. Capitalism promotes productivity culture in which the need for time alone is not a good enough reason in itself.
We must consider the societal factors at play and how they influence our spending behaviors. What advertising and imagery are we exposed to that encourage us to continue the unnecessary spending? Picture someone who keeps buying clothes and cosmetics because of personal insecurities caused by the beauty industry. They may chastise themselves for overspending, but they are also berating themselves for not meeting impossible beauty standards. The message that they should look different is much louder than the message to save money. Thus the continued cycle of purchase and regret.
Interestingly enough, I came across the following target advertisement after drafting this newsletter:
This certainly reinforces that Target is actively encouraging mothers to use shopping as an escape in a deliberate marketing move. If you consistently make unnecessary Target (or other) purchases as a way of relieving stress, it is not due to your lack of willpower. You are being actively marketed to. You are responding the to messages that we are inundated with daily.
Let’s revisit my own experience with packing lunches. I admit to being completely under the influence of diet culture. Diet culture tells me that I need to buy and pack only healthy foods for my lunch. I should not allow any “bad” foods in my house and this will allow me to control my weight. Hence, the dull lunches.
Yet, our capitalist culture tells me that I should go out and spend money. We should indulge ourselves and allow ourselves to “cheat.” When you put these two opposing views together, it is easy to see why I unconsciously felt I could only eat what I wanted when I ate out. Recognizing this contradiction and its illogical influence on my diet and budget, I can see the alternative. Just pack what I actually want to eat for lunch and save myself money while still enjoying my meal.
Moving Forward
We can resolve to cut spending. But it is unlikely we will make real progress until we dig deeper. First, we must uncover what deep-seated need is being met by our current spending pattern. Once we have identified that need we can brainstorm on how to meet that same need in a more affordable manner.
We also need to consider the systemic influences on our spending. Our behaviors do not exist in a vacuum. We are constantly surrounded by messaging that impacts our behavior. We live in a capitalist, patriarchal society. We receive messages that support these dominant structures, yet these messages frequently do not align with our own personal needs.
Often this messaging even contradicts itself. The continual instruction to save more along with the constant message to spend more is clear example of how society’s messages are incompatible.
When we recognize the messages we are receiving, along with any inherent contradictions, it becomes easier to make decisions that are in our own best interest. Start watching for the messages being feed to you and, with time, you will find that they become more and more blatant. As we identify these influences it becomes much easier to resist them. We can change our spending behaviors without feelings of deprivation when the changes are rooted in meeting our personal needs rather than a response to feelings of guilt or shame.